All I needed was a chance to prove to the world, to the people around me who don't know that I have this feeling and this ability inside of me that I can do this.
I can do this.
I can do this.

All I needed was a chance.




But, no.


You know what, I will rock it. I will make you regret.

Eff the world. I am doing this on my own.

Lady Gaga

I always thought that Lady Gaga was one of those same old artists who got famous because show showed her tits and had weird fashion sense.

Well, after watching this video of her at NYU before she was famous, I changed my mind.

quote:
Born on March 28, 1986, in Yonkers, New York, the eldest child of Italian American parents Joseph and Cynthia Germanotta,^[3][4] at age 11 she was set to join Juilliard School in Manhattan,^[5] but instead attended Convent of the Sacred Heart, a private Roman Catholic school.^[6] Playing piano by ear from the age of 4, she went on to write her first piano ballad at 13 and began performing at open mike nights by age 14.^[7] At age 17, she gained early admission to the New York University's Tisch School of the Arts. There, she studied music and improved her songwriting skills by composing essays and analytical papers focusing on topics such as art, religion and socio-political order.^[7][8] She later withdrew from the school to focus on her musical career.^[9]


Wikipedia.com




Some people are really talented after all.




Respect.

Done, done, and done!

I am surprised that I survived these few days.
I am even more surprise that I survived today!

Had Chicago callbacks this morning/noon/afternoon/ entire day.
And I thought that it went pretty well. Everyone is dying to be in the show, and everyone brought their game. The ladies were all fierce. An observer said that if they'd send us to war, we would made everyone drop their weapons and scurry away. Which was true, the tension and energy was insane and everyone was probably at their most competitive time of their lives.



I personally thought that I did pretty well in the audition besides the fact that some misunderstanding happened towards the end because I didn't get to read the monologue of the character that I was called back for. And I was told by the stage manager that everyone did except for me, and I did get to prove myself 'worthy' for the part. I was devastated, and I cried right after everyone left.
I fell asleep at the lobby at the theatre and woke up after 30 minutes after to get ready for our last performance of Carousel.

We had a great closing show, and I was extremely happy and grateful that my framily (friends who are family) came to support me in this little ensemble role that I had. :)

After the show was done, we had to dissemble all the lights, props, and sets that was build for the show. Insane. I am exhausted.



Zzzzzz..........


Moment of truth on Tuesday when I find out if I make the cut. Pray for me.
I am and will be Velma.

I just realized that I just wrote a random post.
hah. mind me.

The Show Must Go On

So this past week was spent on long rehearsals, full dress, tech, Opening night, to the Sunday Matinee Show. Not that I am complaining about the long time spent in the entire process, but I would be lying to myself and everyone if I smiled and said I love every minute of this.
Right. I know that I will and want to do this for the rest of my life, but sometimes in whatever circumstances, the show MUST go on.

Last Sunday during the Matinee performance, my underskirt aka. bloomers fell on stage TWICE in the first act! And I only go on stage 3 times during the first act. Damn it.
I sang the wrong pitch (but it was when everyone else was singing so I doubt anyone heard it, but still I felt stupid), I bowed with the boys, instead on just bowing with the girls and I was the only one who did that.
There's a part when my dance partner lifted me and sat me on the table. Instead of doing that, I was rammed unto the corner of that uber hardwood table and got a fat a** bruise on my left hip bone. But that didn't happen on Sunday. Still, I was in great pain, and I had to smile my way through the end of the dance.

I don't know what was I thinking. I was just out of my mind! Bleh.
As I've said, the show MUST GO ON.

When I was in Saugatuck, I never felt exhausted in anyway because that was all we did. I loved performing every night and we did 6 shows a week for 3 weeks! I was not bored at all. Lived the life of a Rock Star. And right now, I am tired. The only thing that is keeping me for screaming at the top of my lungs is that 2 extra days off for Thanksgiving Break.

I love what I do, I am just riding the struggle bus between being so physical in my 3 dance classes, memorizing lines in a different dialect in my Acting class, work, and then go do the show at night, and continue memorizing more lines in between. By the time I get home, I don't even wanna shower anymore. I just want to pass out!

I can do this. I can do this. And this will make me a better person.

On the other hand, I auditioned for Chicago (the Musical of course) and I was one of the three girls to get called back for Velma (Catherine Zeta Jones' part in the movie). I am freaking happy!
*more lines to memorize. Wtv.*
Call backs are this Saturday. Please pray for me. I really want this. I'm going to graduate with a bang!!!!




Note to self. Keep holding on, cuz you're gonna make it through.
Things will be awesome after this week.
:)

Carousel Review

``Carousel'' -- Classic American musical by Rodgers & Hammerstein that combines passion and danger to tell a story of redemption and the power of love, collaboration with Western's University Theatre and School of Music, 8 p.m. Nov. 13-14, 19-21, 2 p.m. Nov. 15, Laura V. Shaw Theatre, Gilmore Theatre Complex, WMU. $20, $15 seniors and WMU faculty/staff, $5 students $5 (269) 387-6222.

BY MARIN HEINRITZ

Special to the Gazette

KALAMAZOO -- In the lush, sweeping Rodgers and Hammerstein musical ``Carousel,'' there is both lightness and weight: a beautiful and surprisingly dark underbelly provides an anchor to the kind of levity one generally expects in a big, sweeping musical.

And, at the hands of Director Jay Berkow and an extraordinary cast, crew and orchestra, the University Theatre's production of what has been deemed the best musical of the 20th century is exceptional.

From the first to last moments, the stage is sumptuously full; with never a lull, this 2 1/2-hour show moves beautifully, and the story and characters are revealed through action rather than relying primarily on songs to explain what's going on.

Set in a 19th-century Maine seaside town, ``Carousel'' tells the story of one flawed man's struggle to find and redeem himself and the ripple effects he has on those he loves.

Performances are solid throughout the show. The ensemble is particularly wonderful: dances choreographed by Kirsten Harvey are, at turn, balletic and acrobatic. Big numbers, like ``June is Bustin' Out All Over'' and ``A Real Nice Clambake,'' are delightful.

Individual performances vary. Ben Maters brings swagger and a strong voice as Billy; Chelsea Morgan's gorgeous voice and grounded presence create a lovely Julie, although she lacks depth of emotion in pieces such as ``What's the Use of Wondrin'?''

Secondary characters Carrie and Enoch, portrayed by Adelina Feldman-Schultz and Ahren Rehmel, are the true stars of this show, with deliciously nuanced performances. Billy Casey's sleazy yet genuinely hilarious Jigger, Ashley Travis's gorgeous Agnes De Mille lyrical dance sequence and Dru Daniels' ``You'll Never Walk Alone'' are among the show's highlights.

Musical direction by David E. Little and his orchestra are a treat. Denise Dietrich's set -- from the painted panels depicting cherry blossoms to frame the stage, to a fabulously malleable carousel and sky that opens up -- effectively creates a 19th-century New England feel, as do Kathryn Wagner's costumes in muted colors and Melanie A. Berg's excellent lights.

The mark of a good musical, it has been said, is when the audience leaves humming a song. In this production of ``Carousel,'' that song very well may be a silly and lighthearted ditty about a clambake, but that in no way diminishes or masks the superior artistry -- the real tragedy and redemption -- onstage. In addition to humming a tune, one also leaves this show feeling transformed.

credits to mlive.com

Carousel

Yay! Tis been a great week. Although I was wishing that the weekend could quickly come even though it was Monday at that time, but I guess, with all those late 6 hour rehearsals, the week did end pretty fast. Even better, one of my dance classes was canceled yesterday because of departmental auditions.
That extra hour of sleep, certainly did make my day :)

Here's my pin curled hair effect after Opening Night. Makes me look 10 years older. I can't understand why curls make Caucasians look sexy, and all it does is add age to Asians.
And, the heavy stage make up. Bleh.

Chelsea and I with our bloomers. Also known as undergarments back in the 1800's.
I guess if we were caught walking around like that back then, we would be stoned to death! Lol.
We were waiting to put our wigs on.

Ashley applying make up.


Alicia playing Mrs. Mullin. A melodramatic and extremely funny character, with of course, crazy make up.

One of my best friends Sexy Billy the villain and I

Brian, Alicia, and I camwhoring.
Here's my Mama Geisha look.
Brian and Sammy my favorite person!

Tyler who sits right next to me in the make up room, he sounds exactly like Josh Groban.
Insane. Amazing voice. To die for!

Here's Matt, one of the Swings.
A Swing is a person who is understudying several characters. It is a gift, I personally don't think I can play a few characters with no pre-rehearsal no nothing. If someone gets hurt, you just get thrown on stage expecting to know every line, blocking, and cue.




Carousel Promo Video.


Haha, I think you can catch me in a glimpse in several parts. And of course I look extremely Asian. Not that I'm not not Asian, but that hair. Gosh. It just enhances it. Lol.

Some people have asked me how was it like to act in a play/musical over and over again. For several weeks. Don't I get bored?
Well, every show is different. The audiences are different every time. Of course we'll have to keep the show fresh by really connecting with the character and giving him/her a personal background story that is not scripted and not go on autopilot.


It was a Presidential Performance today, which means we performed for uber important VIPs of the University, the Dean, the Donors, and Sponsors. It was a great experience.
It was one of the first few times that I got extremely moved by the reaction of the audience.
It was the first time for me looking right at the audience, and seeing them sobbing and wiping tears off their faces, made tears roll down my cheeks and during curtain call, I was just smiling so much just so nobody could see my wet emo face.
Awesome. I was really moved.

I wished mom and dad would see me in this musical. Although I did not play a big character, but you would love this show. <3

Hope I do you proud mum and dad!

Quote of the Day

Dance Teacher: Just imagine the steps in your head during your spare time, and you will be able to do it for real.

Yenn: Are you sure? I look really pretty dancing in my mind, but when it comes to real life, I dance like a Hippo!

Dance Teacher: ........


I wished I was technically trained since I was a kid. Note to self, first out of class curriculum for my kids would be either gymnastics, or ballet. Done.



Carousel is opening tomorrow!

Party Night Rambles

With the insane schedule that I have right now, I would really do anything to be able to hangout with my best friends and I am glad that I did these past two weeks.
It takes off the stress and burden that I sometimes carry around, and I am grateful for them being there listening to me rant my face off.



TomYum Steamboat night at Cheryl's!
Go Shock Top. Could you recognize the tune that I was blowing to?
Sorry if it wasn't too obvious, I just can't keep a straight face.


Not that I hate the typical American House Parties, I guess it is just not my thing.
I'd rather, spend time talking about everything under the stars and doing the absolute stupid things over my favorite cider beers, rum and diet, and of course any sort of cocktails at a chillax bar. Then again, I still prefer dinner tables because it creates a more intimate feel.

Even when it comes to clubbing, as much as I'd like to deny, I love the club scene. Only when I have my friends around me though. I like the feeling of knowing that if anything happens to me (like when a random scary horny looking guy starts coming behind me, wanting to grind) my girlfriends will swoop in and just pull me away.

Maybe that's what I want. Maybe partying for me isn't trying to get to know some other people. Or in American terms, getting laid.

So what if I don't seem cool, I like being boring in that sense.
Haha... as if I even have the time for parties. Bleh. I want to ride a bull right now.





Bleh. I don't even know what is the purpose of this post. Full of ramblings.
*wipes runny up nose with sleeve*

Sick.
Bleh.
I don't like stuffy noses.

Carousel is opening this coming Thursday. Come support!

Quote of the day

Simple Cheryl: "Eh, if you wear this in Malaysia, you'll get shot lah!"

*YenN: "Yeah lo, how ar? My winter jacket is Red and my sweat pants are all in the Greenish/Bright Bluish hue?"

Simple Cheryl: "People don't even wear sweat pants in Malaysia!"

*YenN: "Owh Yeah. I really will get shot."



Being so used to not caring what others think about me, really?
If I were to be in Malaysia at this instant, I would be categorized as a slop *for wearing sweats*, lala *for leggings*, seafood *because I say so*, harajuku *for color clashing*, typical female Mat rempit *for skinny jeans and high top sneakers*, and whatever else category you want to put me.


Die, I will get shot.





Flu season, getting sick. FML.

T'was the Night

Since this was the last Halloween Celebration in Kalamazoo for most of us *meaning those who transferred here the same time*, we decided to go all out.

A month ago, the girls and I have been cooking up a plan to dress up as a group. We had in mind, *The Seven Deadly Sins* and *Moulin Rouge*. After giving much though, we chose to be the Burlesque Dancers because we get to go with the same theme, but be individuals at the same time.
Three weeks ago, the girls and I decided to perform for the Halloween event.
Two weeks ago, we started deciding which songs we wanted to use.
One week ago, Drummer Jon Chong decided to do a collaboration performance. Drums, light, DJ-ing, Dance, Interactive... all in one 45 minute performance.

With everyone's extremely different schedules, Lynn and I being in NYC for 4 days, and my intensive rehearsals till late night for Carousel, we only managed to meet up less than 10 times altogether. I swear.


Come to think about it, Moulin Rouge and Burlesque Girls... Ain't mucha difference.
But you get what I mean.
:)


Well, the best part of Halloween for me would always and will be the excitement of dressing up together, and being with friends. *awwww- sappy eyes*

In this case, you could see all boys and girls cramped up in a teeny weeny apartment getting all made up and hyped.
Love it.

Hair...

Lashes...

Ribbons...

And all that Jazz.

Jolene as the Angel.

My favorite picture of Cheryl, Lynn, and I

Quz!

Gimmie Fierce!

Make up half done.

Cheryl + Amin = Freaking HAWT



And finally, we're off to Ellsworth Hall for the Halloween Dance organized by the International Program Council of WMU


I like being protected by strong men. lolx.

Jabbawoockeez from America's Best Dance Crew.
Guess who?

Joe Kelly. Long time no see!

Aziz ma Mexican. Como et tas.

While us girls got all sexy and bootylicious, our boys decided to be Babysitters from Hell.
Scary.
We're missing one more. Amin was probably kidnapping some random baby at that time.

Don't the boys look like a scarier version of KISS?

Bel.

One of my favorite costumes. Bega as Mario!

Burlesque Dancers.

With Rose as the elegant Greek Goddess.

Mikey, Jolene, Hariz, and I

Caitlyn Colleague dressed up as herself because she was working, Lynn and I

Mikey tryong to work those lips.

Izzah and Hassim ze Pimp.

Us girls.
From left: Yenni as the witch, Bobo Sexy Sailor, Izzah, My Phat Ass, Jeong Belly Dancer, Lynn, Cheryl, and Quzrin.

And as usual, Mikey tries to be one of us. :)




Here's a segment of our Girl's Dance. It was way to dark to really see.
Hope you like it though.



xoxo.
Happy Halloween

It's Halloween

Mail Order Brides/ Modern Day Geishas/ Burlesque Dancers Available.



Interested?

:)





Cuz tonights gonna be a good good night...

Babi Terbang

I was craving for my favorite chips today during rehearsal. The first thing I did when I came back home was to look for that bag of healthy chips that I bought 2 weeks ago.
My one and only bag of baked Flat Earth Chips.

So damn good. At least I do not have to worry about sodium or fat content because I know that Flat Earth all naturally flavored and has no Corn Syrup in it. That evil thing.

It has 1/2 a serving of real vegetables baked into every ounce
Good source of Vitamin A & C
Naturally baked
ZEEROH grams of trans fat

Whether it is a marketing plan or not, I still love em.
:)




As I pulled open the sides, guess what I realized?

Swine Flew!!!
SWINE FLU!!!


Hahaha.... made my night.
:)



Halloween Dance in 3 days. Can't wait!
Let's see how many people is dressing up as Michael Jackson this year.

Keep it Coming

Busy as a bee.
I wonder when will I actually stop and chill out.
Owh wait, I just did during the weekend at the Big Apple.
It's a vacation, but not really. We were still rushing to places and never got to have enough sleep especially when we had to wake up at 4 in the morning on the days we flew.
BAH...

Halloween is this weekend. Last one here in Kalamazoo.
Gotta get my ass up to my first theatre party.
How pathetic can I be?
A senior and never been to a theatre party. It is a sin!
Gotta break out from my comfort zone.
BAH...

Random Ramblings

Busy.
So many things to do, so little time.
New York tomorrow morning, forecasts said that it was going to rain. Of all days to lose the umbrella.
Eating dry cereal for breakfast. Fun, but not so fun.
My girls who are dancing for the Halloween night are awesome.
I should get going to class now, why am I still here listening to Lynn snore soundly beside me.
Everybody is getting sick, Swine flu invasion!!!
I have 2 midterms today. Oh sh*t.
Okay bye.

Hold Your Chin Up High

Since I have been rehearsing for the musical that I am involved in *Carousel*, I have been listening to this song every night since it is it's theme song, which was made famous by Liverpool.
I am not being melodramatic but it never fails to make me me tear up because it's word are so meaningful.


I know that I have probably been in the lowest moments of my life within these past two weeks.
I apologize if I have indirectly dragged anyone down with me.
I know that being emotional, and being around someone emotional would really affect people around you.

It's just, sometimes I really don't know what to do but to cry when I feel extremely low.
But then again, looking on the bright side, I am truly grateful that mum helped me realize that I am extremely fortunate to have so many supportive friends and family around me whether they are physically here with me or not.
Although so many bad things happened within these two week, I was just too low and down in the dumps that I was blinded. Too blind to see those little meaningful things and encouragement that people said, and left on my facebook wall.

I was emotionally exhausted on Wednesday night when I was hit by the big news, and had so much trouble letting it go and moving on that I literally skipped my classes on Thursday because I was just so emotionally drained that I am physically and mentally exhausted.
Come to think about it, it was not even any big news. I guess it just happened at the wrong time. I feel stupid and silly, crying so much for something that could be easily solved. I guess it was just the emotions taking a toll in my life at that point.
Things looked brighter on Thursday when I manage to get some rest physically. I knew that I was actually killing my immune system for being so stressed. I made sure I took my supplements just so that I would not get sick because I just can't afford it.

I hurt myself really badly on Friday afternoon, in fact I pulled a ligament on my neck, and I could not move my upper body at all because I was so in pain. I hated the way my body tensed up when I feel any emotion, even when I laughed.
That was another breaking point for me, I just came home after rehearsal and cried and cried, and finally fell asleep after Lynn helped me rub on some traditional medicine on my aching neck and shoulder muscles.

Things are becoming better. Every once in a while I would feel like crying for no apparent reason although I am hanging with friends. I'm glad that I am surrounded by people who truly care about me. They really are my family away from home.
Thanks guys. And most of all, thanks Lynn.


miss you mum, dad, and jeph

A pulled ligament on the neck ain't no fun.

I am so extremely frustrated with myself. I really don't know what to do anymore.
Have you had those times when you freaking try and try and try and try, but you just don't understand how things work? You just don't effing get it.
I am so angry with myself. I am so humiliated. I want to turn back time. I want to relive my past.
I am so disappointed.
@#$%^&*(*&^%$#$%^


I just don't know what to do anymore.

A Work of Art. Or Words.

Recently, a new found friend who is also a transfer student from Malaysia came up to me and asked if she could interview me for an English paper that she was going to write. And of course, there is nothing to lose. So I met up with her a couple of times, well actually only twice, and two weeks later, she wrote this beautiful piece of art about my life story.I thought it was amazing work.



Jolene Khor, everybody :)
I just realized that we DO NOT have a picture together. That's a sin! Must must!

Since, sharing is caring.
Here it is.

Hello world, I am Sue-Yenn

Her footsteps were even, almost measured, sounding “tuck tuck tuck tuck” every step to her door way at Redwood Avenue. Fumbling with her keys on her right hand, she let her brown hair linger in between her fingers on her left. The wind blowing below her earrings around her neck awakened her tired senses and the weight of her bag pack ceased to exist as her foot began lifting themselves to tap dance and trot the rest of her way back home.

She waltzed into her house and sunk into her two-seater sofa, pulling her phone out of her pocket as it vibrated through her blue jeans. 15 minutes later, a knock on the door forced her out of her comfort. “Hey you, come on in!” she opened the wooden door to the blazing sunlight and the sight of me. Despite our lack of acquaintance, she began opening up akin to a best friend; all I had to do was sit down and ask, politely, for her life story. It was like I had explicitly opened someone’s intimate diary in their unperturbed presence.

“I knew what I wanted to do since I was a child,” she started. “When I was little, my mom asked me what I wanted to do growing up. There wouldn’t be a moment of hesitation before I said I want to perform, I want to perform, I want to perform.” Her clearly enunciated words flew smoothly without turbulence from her lips, landed on the clean page opened on my VAIO notebook, but her eyes, with a single mention of her dream, it was her eyes that spoke more passion and conviction than her diction could convey. I did not know who she was other than her name, Sue Yenn Ng, and her place of birth, Malaysia but I was sold.

She twirled her hair with her index finger, looking out the window at the voluminous trees outside and their orange tinted leaves that would soon be naked in November, shading the small pools of water collected in the ridges of asphalt when she revealed her big plan to pack her bags and head northeast to New York to pursue theatre. Graduation may only come for her after next Spring, but I sensed immediacy in her voice; she was one of the last youth on the planet who understood the cruel intricacy of time.

As grand as the idea of New York may be, two years of raw experience as a non-equity actor in Michigan is weak due to the intimidation the Big Apple can cast on a 21 year old foreign student all the way from Malaysia. That wet foggy morning on her brown suede couch, I caught it – the rare passing moment when she looked away wistfully as if the only thing alive in the room was her and her buzzing television, even when she was talking to me. I stole a moment of her private reflection, her faraway stare and deafening silence sucked me into a vacuum void of everything except the things she was going to tell me next.

Back in her hometown Kuala Lumpur, Sue Yenn looked in the mirror and liked how she saw “somebody”. She was not a nobody – She won first place in the 17 Magazine Star Search contest, she represented Malaysia to Singapore for an acting gig. She felt worshipped by kids in her mother’s kindergarten school. Even so, it wasn’t really good enough by Sue Yenn’s standards. Jack of all trades, she may have been; her voice soared when she sang, her fair limbs floated with grace and charge when she danced and her heart filled with zest when she performed for gung ho crowds during cheerleading in high school, but her lack of formal training made her feel restrained and mediocre even when she was at her best – something she continued to deal with alone when she travelled halfway across the world to Western Michigan University after being accepted into their prestigious theatre program.

Burying her insecurity and self-critique behind closed doors, Sue Yenn watched herself take two steps back during her first year in college despite her many steps forward with a diploma of singing in hand accompanied with priceless exposures to violin and guitar. Closeted and trapped in her Asian skin that only brought cultural barriers which conceded relationships with locals, the first semester breezed by. Without much going on except hopping on the bus at 10 a.m. to class, supplying herself with a daily dose of intimidation and inadequacy, she would go home to an empty house that never became a home until her sister Sue Lynn joined her four solitary months later.

When Sue Lynn who is two years older reached the shores of Kalamazoo, life was a little less lonely for her baby sister. “Do you know those hot air balloons that seem to drift in the air aimlessly?” Sue Yenn questioned me when I asked of her relationship with her Psychology majoring sister. “Have you seen those weights that hold them down so they don’t go all over the place? Well Lynn’s just that. She’s my anchor.”

Most of Sue Yenn’s second semester back in January 2008 was spent working endless hours at Campus Kitchen. “I need the money. I’m sick of working at the cafeteria but my mom said to me, “I’m paying for your education, not to maintain you.”” she told me earnestly. She went on to explain that her parents give both her and her sister money only for rent which is $500 monthly and tuition fees. Nothing more, nothing less. “Mom wants us to fish, not give us fish.”

For serving plates after plates of tortilla chips with French onion dip, fried rice with Chinese pork sausage and macaroni and cheese, she made minimum wage along with not only jaundiced, scrunched up dollar tips but another benefit on the sides. Working with locals gave Sue Yenn a platform to build friendships she needed in order to feel assimilated with the Western culture. It was ironic. The 21 year old came to America to make something of herself in the theatre scene but it was when she busted tables to make long ends meet that she socialized and felt like it was her first, “Hell world, my name is Sue Yenn” moment. And the rest, as I would say it, is history in the making.

Our firsts of experiences may not be what make our lives, but they sure make our memories. Firsts usually occur when we were young – perhaps the reason why they are forever etched in our minds, refusing, dejecting any attempts of dismissal – and though we may overlook them or in Sue Yenn’s case, look too much into them, years down the winding road we would eventually see them with new pair of eyes and be reminded of what was and notice what was not.

Miss Saigon was supposed to be Sue Yenn’s perfect first. It was her first semester at WMU, her first official audition as a serious actress and she felt her destiny calling to her. Miss Saigon was the reason why she wanted to act. When she walked into the audition hall and found that she was the only Asian in the wilderness she was confident the part belonged to her and no one else. Destiny. She looked the part, she played the part. The only problem – she did not get the part. “I was the walking Miss Saigon among the sea of Caucasian faces who auditioned! I remember thinking to myself, I must have been so bad to not have gotten the leading role,” the almost-Miss-Saigon confessed. “I was devastated, completely upset.”

When her shot came to test her acting chops for the second time on American soil, Sue Yenn did what she does best in defiance of her self-esteem resting restlessly on a thin barbwire; simply because she knew what she wanted and she knew how to get it – audition. On present day, Sue Yenn turned to me with a straight face, “Here’s the thing. I learned the most valuable lesson an actor can learn the hard way. An actor’s job is to audition, not to act. If you are lucky, you get the gig. That’s how it is.”

The audition was a role in The 25^th Putnam County Spelling Bee theatre production. No it was not Miss Saigon, but it was a chance to work with professional equity actors at a small recognized theatre. The entire theatre department in Western Michigan University competed with 1,800 others from all over the nation. There were nine parts to be auditioned for and casted, three of which were snagged by WMU pupils. This time, Sue Yenn was one of them who travelled 75 minutes every summery Tuesday to Thursday for a month to Mason Street Warehouse in Saugatuck.

Her debut success suspended part her lack of self-belief, sunk her incredulity of her capabilities to lower levels but it also raised a new concern, one that posed as much as an obstacle as a blessing in disguise. “I hate being an Asian actor. Roles in plays are mostly based on the original cast, and how many solid Asian roles are out there for grabs, you know?” For those who have modesty holding their backbone in place, accompanied with a spine weakened by self-consciousness, they question their success as an involuntary reflex. “The breakout role I got was an Asian schoolgirl in Spelling Bee. For a long time I wondered if I got that role just because I was Asian and I was needed to fill the part.”

After an hour of burying her toned full-figure in the comfort of crème cashmere blanket and suede pillows, Sue Yenn rose to split her legs to her sides and stretched to reach her toes. As chatty as ever, she said, “Another thing that sucks about being Asian, and I’m sure you get me here – we were taught to shut up. Right? Right?” She was turning her head towards Sue Lynn for accord. Sue Lynn, who came home from lunch an hour ago and had been observing her sister tell her life story since, nodded. She continues, “In Chinese elementary school we were taught to shut up and just tahan tahan tahan.” Tahan means ‘endure’ in the Malay language. “We had trouble opening up and talking to people here because of our culture back home,” Sue Lynn offered.

As if being a minority in a foreign country isn’t enough of a challenge, Sue Yenn doesn’t think the small town geography of Kalamazoo helps. Three weeks ago Sue Yenn travelled east to New York to visit her vacationing mother and felt perfectly in place at that corner of America because “to be a minority in New York is to be the majority.” Kalamazoo is pretty much otherwise. Last summer, Sue Yenn and four of her best girlfriends popped into Y-bar for a girls’ night out. But when they made a trip into the bathroom together with beers in hands, giggles and harmless gossip on their lips, an American on her way out walked into them and announced with snide, “Woah. Asian invasion!” Her friends continued giggling, but Sue Yenn did not.

She certainly was now, giggling away while recalling how mean girls can be to each other. Sue Yenn grew up as an avid church-goer, but her father who now works in Bangladesh and is in a long distance relationship with her mother, was not Christian. So in a feeble attempt to nudge his way into the holy temple every Sunday, Sue Yenn with Sue Lynn performed every Christmas. It was year 1994 when she was to perform Silent Night with the choir with a solo on her part in front of her family and close friends. A perfectionist even at 6, she practiced every night even though she was losing her little voice. On Christmas Eve, her solo came like she anticipated, but her sweet voice did not. She froze. After the performance, the pastor’s snotty daughter came up to Sue Yenn backstage and said, “The whole performance was perfect, until you ruined it.” Sue Yenn was upset, she didn’t remember if she cried, and the night might not have been perfect, but at that moment it certainly was ruined.

Having done some growing up since then, Sue Yenn realizes now it is not about being perfect, but “to have friends in the theatre world you have to be somebody. If you are talented, people would want to know you. But if you’re too good, you become intimidating. It is good to be at par, in between the two.” With that being said, Sue Yenn remains grounded to Earth despite being awarded a theatre scholarship worth a thousand dollars a year.

Rubbing her feet tired from doing bombershays in class, she told me about her packed schedule which includes rehearsals for a traditional musical theatre Carousel. As tired as she said she is expecting her body to be starting next week, with Mondays to Fridays of 8 a.m. classes that progress to work until 9 p.m., which moves on with dance practices that end at 11 p.m., she had a face of someone who is doing what she loves and there is not a hint of dread. If anything, she sounded excited to begin.

“I barely have leisure time. When my friends ask me out, my answer is always, “I can’t, I’m sorry.” Well, I can, that is if I don’t ever shower or sleep,” she laughs. As a performer, Sue Yenn feels she needs to take care of herself – watches what she eat, get enough sleep. “That one time I went to Y-bar with my girls, I drank once to toast to a friend’s birthday. Not only did I get snapped by the ‘ang moh’ in the bathroom, I had a late night – I went to bed at 3 a.m. Next morning during my voice lesson, I could not sing – at all! I croaked my way through 15 minutes before my instructor sent me home.”

“But I have no complains. My life is great. I am lucky to be in America, doing what I always wanted to do.”

“Really? Are you sure?” Sue Lynn teases.

“Well okay, if I can have one thing in my life right now… I want a professional masseuse in my house massaging every inch of my body every night!”

All credits to Jolene. I even stole her picture. =.="


One heck of a writing skill huh.
Feel so *pai-seh* that I cannot write anything like she lorh...
Maybe that's why I am a Music Theatre Performance major and she belongs to the world of creative writing called Journalism.

Keep it up babe, I'll see you in New York Times one day.
Or, you could just write a musical, and I can be in it. hahahaha... :)

In my mind

At first I thought that it was fine because I am one heck of a busy person.
But when weekend came, all I thought about was you.
I have not heard a word, not even from the wind,
I wonder what are you up to now, handling a M-16?
I watched Couple's Retreat yesterday night,
It's an okay movie I guess,
But watching it alone without you reminds me
Of the time that you would put your arms around me, to keep me warm in the theaters.
I miss you so much,
I was at the Grotto today with the same gang
That place really made me think of you even more,
How we would walk there for $3 dollar burgers, and half off dishes,
My first beer.
Miss you much.
Wishing you were somehow here again,
Wishing you were somehow near.
Love.

Kaki

Which is funnier?




Everyone: What happen? Why are you limping?
Yenn: Owh, I hurt myself.
Everyone: How?
Yenn: Eh... Kicked my own ankle? *like seriously, how is that even possible*


Or


The sight of me getting frustrated with myself because I walk too slow with both feet, and then start taking off, hopping on one leg in full speed to get to my destination.





Yeah. I don't even know what's wrong with it.
It's just. Swelled, and annoyingly painful.
The physician told me that it was a 2nd degree strain. Heck, I don't even know what that means.

I never thought that Tap would be a dangerous dance. I mean, you basically only use the body parts below your hips. But kicking your ankle hard with a metal heel shoe is NOT smart AT ALL.

Sucks that I have to stay out of doing anything physical for about 5 days, and apparently I have 3 dance classes this semester, 5 times a week, work every single day which requires me to run around, rehearse 5 times a week for the new musical this semester, and my only source of transportation would be my humble feet.

Sucks?

Hell yeah.
And the only thing I can do is ice it, elevate it (not a comfy position if you ask me), and not use it.



Know what's funny?
My right foot is starting to hurt right now because I used it so much more because my left foot is handicapped.

Me no like. *sobs*

Just Yesterday

As much as I love autumn, this year has been nothing but depressing. At least for now.
If I remembered correctly, for the past two years at this time I was still wearing light cardigans.
I loved the sun rays that shined on the bright colored yellow, orange, and red leaves.

On the contrary, this year is all gloomy, rainy, and cold.
For a person who is on campus for more than 13 hours a day and walks from one end to the other end of campus, and back home, I am certainly not a huge fan of it.


That was not my point.


Jeph left for the navy today.


Yes. Time flew.

It seems like it was just yesterday when we first met.
It seems like it was just yesterday when he told me that he liked me.
It seems like it was just yesterday when he told me that he wanted to do something bigger and more meaningful with his life.
It seems like it was just yesterday when I told him: "Babe, I will support you in your career. Go live your dreams."
It seems like it was just yesterday when he said: "Love, I can't wait for my military life to start. I have to wait 8 more long months!"
It seems like it was just yesterday when he finally grew the b*lls to tell his parents that he signed with the Navy.
It seems like it was just yesterday when he started working out again, pushing himself to be better than what the Navy required.
It seems like it was just yesterday when I told him that I regretted supporting him because it finally kicked in that he was really leaving.
It seems like it was just yesterday when we said goodbye to his parents and he acted all macho so that his dad would not see him cry.
It seems like it was just yesterday when I saw his Fraternity brother hugged him and picked him up and not let him go because that was the last they were going to see each other unless who knows when.
It seems like it was just yesterday when he broke down in tears saying that he does not want to leave home.
It seems like it was just yesterday when I told him that I loved him and I will wait.
It seems like it was just yesterday when he told me that this was for our future.

He is gone now. Probably asleep, awaiting his future tomorrow at 4.30am when he will be shipped off and officially sworn into the Navy.

I cried. We cried.
I cried whenever I thought of him smiling at me.
And yet, I thought that it was going to be easy because I have said goodbyes so many times, that I should be a pro in holding my emotions in.
I hate the fact that we could not even have any form of communication until his boot camp ends.
I cried so hard that they sky cried with me. It rained the entire day. It was so gloomy, as if the heavens were mourning for our part. At least it feels like it.



My acting teacher said: "Use this in your acting. Remember this feeling."




I hate this feeling. I hate goodbyes.




Till I hear from you again my best friend, my confidante, my comforter, my bolster at night, my partner in crime, my Filipino boy, my love.
Let's see where fate takes us.

I know you'll do yourself, your family, us, and your country proud.

Only You - Acoustic Version.MP3 - David Choi

xoxo
Love you much.

Betsey Johnson Fashion Show

I was recently invited to Bobo's fashion show gig at Novi, Detroit. Well, it wasn't really recently, it was literally 3 days ago.

And of course I was pretty darn excited since Betsey Johnson is known to have chic dresses, funky apparels and chunky accessories.

One of my favorite dresses. An elegance with a spunk.
Check it out at betseyjohnson.com

For most readers who read my posts a while ago, they would know that Bobo was extremely involved in the catwalk at Western ever since she volunteered herself for Western's Fashion Design department's showcase last year with their annual MODA Fashion Show.


Here are all her supporters (including Jo of course, who was snapping the picture).
Bega, Jeong, Jeph and I
Obviously, the theme of the night was Black and Pink

Sassy Bobo, star of the night with Pin Curls and I

Bega!

Jeong and I

And of course, Jephie and I

Bobo at the catwalk

Strutting for stuff

One of the few dresses that I absolutely adore.

Bobo looking old school which reminded me a lot of the Chinese Classic Teresa Teng Pop star.

Hmmm... not much resemblance I know.
I guess it was the style of the classic pin curls, bob fringe, and red lipstick.

Girls involved with the Betsey Johnson catwalk.

M Bar Go

Weather was pretty awesome for the half outdoor club.

After the fashion show, Jeph and I stayed to dance while the others drove back to Kalamazoo.

Nope, I was totally sober. I swear!

18 hours till Jeph leaves.
What will I do without him.


Picture Credits to Jojo, Bobo, Bega Teoh, and yours truly.

Counting Down

Two more days and he leaves for good.
Here comes another sharp turn in my life when I face more uncertainties.

How I wish I knew what lies ahead in life. A glimpse of it would make me content.

Oh Lord, guide me.

Point of No Return

I have been extremely stressed out pretty lately of where my life would take me.
I have approximately half a year prior to graduation, and I still don' know where will I be after that. Of course, my dream is to remain in the United States but it does sucks because of my visa status. How will I get my working visa after that?
I know that many people of my age are freaking out about graduation and the "real life" ahead, but I just find it so unfair that I have an extra burden on my shoulders just because I am not one of those lucky people who were born the the land of dreams and freedom.
Sometimes I think if I am doing the right thing, following my dreams.
Why, why the hell did I not just stick to boring old economics where I can just graduate and work in the corporate world, instead I chose this path of uncertainty and danger.
Why, why, why.
I am so stressed out with life right now.

Rehearsals are starting next week, which means that my day on campus starts at 8.30am all through 10.30pm at night. Excluding extra rehearsals, excluding homework time, excluding any time for my friends and myself because by the time I get home I probably wanna just lay in the bath tub and go to bed right after.

Oh my goodness, I am extremely stressed out.

I have officially gained SEVEN pounds in three weeks!
I just need to stop eating. Damn it.


One week before Jeph leaves for the Navy, and I am dreading it so much.

Click click click